We as addicts know what it is like to beg God to just take away the pain. Really anyone who has had to battle an internal demon whether it be physical or mental can relate. I started my downward spiral with drugs, sex, and alcohol at the very young age of 13.
So when I decided to get clean I had no idea who Amanda was. I had no hobbies bc my hobby was getting high. I had no friends well at least true friends. After 15 yrs of drugs, alcohol,and 3 children later, I decided to change my life. You know nobody tells you how painful of a journey it will be to have sobriety. I had the physical withdraw and the mental. I began to feel emotions, Emotions I had not felt in years. I did well with my sobriety until about 2yrs later when my ex husband and I decided to try and make things work. It was not long before we enabled each other to use again.
During my relapse of heroin and suboxone( I say suboxone because I only used it to not be sick when I couldn't find dope) I met my now fiance. He helped me get through my withdraw and this time it felt even worse then the first time. My fiance also fights the inner demons of addiction so in some ways he can relate to me.
I guess my point is nothing in life that is worth having will come easy. We have to be pushed out of our comfort zone so we can grow. That is with anything in life, The things we have in life that mean something we had to fight for.
For the first time in life I am getting to know myself. I actually have hobbies, I have interests in things I would have never thought. Even though I am loving life and trying to find the beauty in every situation my body still pays for the abuse I put it through. I have medical problems that make everyday a challenge. Like I said nothing in life worth having comes easy and a sober life is worth having. Life dose not get easier we just get stronger. No matter what I wake up and thank God for giving me more than I deserve. Prayers and Hugs
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